GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
