I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
