I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
