the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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