Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
