Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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