It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
