I think I am morally bankrupt
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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