Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
