I just pynch a tree in the face
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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