Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
