if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
