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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sorry my hands just texted you
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
