So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Randomize
