Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
