i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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