I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
