I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
