Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
