When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
