My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
