My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
