On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
