It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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