i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
