I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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