Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
