If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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