I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
