I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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