Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
