why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
