i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
