; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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