I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
