We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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