I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize