my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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