What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
