I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize