Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
