Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
