so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
