I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
