End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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