What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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