The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize