I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize