Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize