I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't think brook has ever known best
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
