i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
