Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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