Cold hands, warm shart.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
