The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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