i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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