I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
