i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
