Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I want a musical about memes.
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