My nipple is on Facebook.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My ass is underappreciated
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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