They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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