so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
