Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
