your parents love me but you hate me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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