i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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