I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
