i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
