Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
