Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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