you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
