First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
