FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
